Friday, May 17, 2013
by: Ryan Grudinski
Pain and Gain follows three impressionable, muscle head morons in their quest to fulfill their version of the American Dream. In this particular case, their idea of said dream is stealing all the assets from someone else who earned them the old fashioned way. The film plays like a satire, which would be great if it wasn't based on a true story! The three main characters combined have the brain capacity of your average Michael Bay fan, which works well, because that's the majority of who will fill the theater for this one. It's misogynistic, homophobic, racist, really just plain xenophobic all around. Yay, Michael Bay! The only likable character in the entire film, Ed Harris' character is so poorly fleshed out it's sad. He isn't even introduced until the third act of the film, and by then it's already pretty unsalvageable. While Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson provides a few laughs with his naive, "Born Again Christian" character, but it really doesn't do enough to save the film. It's overlong, at over two hours I could not wait for the film to end. The final Bay-ism that needs addressing is that of the female characters. There are dozens of women in this movie, and there is literally ONE that is portrayed as intelligent, and real, and she doesn't even get the dignity of having a character name... at least not one that is uttered on screen. The rest of the women are portrayed as dumb sluts who serve the sole purpose of being there for Bay and the legions of bros who follow his films to look at, laugh at, and feel superior to. This is typical Bay hack, and should be avoided.
Technical: Technically looks nice if you like things that look wet. Probably some of the longest takes Bay has ever used, so good on him for that, I guess..
X-Factors: The Rock, and Ed Harris. Other than that it's worthless.
Verdict: * 1/2
Will This Movie end up in my collection? That's a hard "no."